Creative Ways to Beat Winter Boredom With Little Ones

Winters can seem L-O-N-G when you are a homeschooling mom of little ones. I think it is because we tend to hunker down and plow through our schoolwork with little to no regard for how long it takes. We all get tired of being inside and of school in general. {yup. I know you think that homeschool mom’s  LOVE teaching, but that is not always so!}

So, here are a few ideas to help you change up your day with your little ones and perhaps help beat those winter blues that we all face before spring.

1. Go out for a snowy walk. Bundle up and just go. Bring a Thermos of  hot chocolate with you if you like. The winter air perks everyone up.

2. Do a winter sport. Go ice skating. If you don’t have any frozen cranberry bogs nearby, then look for a rink that has public skate available. Organize a sledding party and meet up at a great sledding hill. The kids sled, the mom’s talk and sip warm drinks. It is a win-win!

3. Visit the library. We frequent our little town library, but every once in a while we make the trek to a bigger library in our area to see what resources they have available. You’d be amazed what the library offers now.

3. Learn a new hobby yourself. Take up painting, knitting or crocheting. Do something creative. For kids, try Sculpey, beading kits, big bendy pipe cleaners, an airplane model, etc…

4. Have an indoor picnic. Little ones like opening a lunch bag when they are not used to a packed lunch like traditional school kids. Spread out a blanket and let them play.

5. Blow bubbles in a pan. You know that Williams Sonoma three piece cake pan set you got for Christmas? Fill the bottom  pan with 1/4 inch of bubbles and give your kid a straw. Let them blow bubbles in the pan to their hearts content. (I have no idea why they love doing this, but they do. And your WS pan suddenly becomes worth more as a bubble base than as a cake base. Trust me.It is an investment in your sanity. he,he)

6. Cut paper snowflakes and hang them on the windows. Add glitter to them for some extra sparkle.

7. Make a “house” out of cardboard boxes for dolls, or a garage for cars for boys. The kids can cut windows out of them and decorate them with markers.

8. Make cards using pretty paper, fancy edged scissors and pretty pictures from a magazine or old calendar. Send a note to a grandparent, a sick friend, or an nursing home resident.

9. Combine your toy sets. Block, matchboxes, Playmobil, etc…can be more exciting when they are used together. Blocks become the city that the cars drive through. Give the kids your  aprons and let them “cook” with wooden beads, cut up paper and a wooden bowl to play house and make a paper soup. (can you tell I have 4 girls?) In our house, this usually works best under our kitchen table which is covered by a blanket to make a “house.”

10. Visit a museum. Libraries often have passes to local museums to keep costs affordable for all families. I have rarely paid more than $5 per person using a pass.

What other fun things do you do to change up your wintery days?

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Serving Your Kids {Without Being Child-Centered}

Last week I wrote about being a servant, here and received this question from a reader that I wanted to address, because I think it is a common concern for moms.

Q:  God has definitely brought to my mind that I am to lay down my life for others and that includes my husband and children.  I really liked what you included in this post about servants not worrying about being used because often that thought creeps into my mind.  I’ve also read other messages/blogs/books where people have said that a home should not be child-centered…  How do we serve our children without making them think that the world is all about them?

Our goal is  to model Christlike service motivated by love, and to teach our kids the same way of life.  I think we often have extremes envisioned in our minds: One is of a ragged mother, who day and night washes, cooks, cleans and picks up after her kids who never do anything but make messes. The other is of a mother who sits on the couch while their kids fend for themselves all day. One is totally child centered. The other is just plain negligent.

When we care for our homes and children well, we are serving them. We cook, clean, mend, iron, braid hair, fix treats, etc. These are all normal things that mothers do because they love their kids and husband. But, as you might have noticed, children are not naturally helpful. They are naturally selfish, and it is our job to train them in all areas of Christlikeness, including service.

It is a matter of the heart. Are you going to serve yourself or others today? So, when our kids were young, they all had a morning chore that they did in order to keep the Beals household running well. And they were actually punished if they did not do their part. Self discipline, dependability, faithfulness and responsibility are all LOVING things to teach a child. I think that many a misguided mother has worn herself out  and run herself ragged thinking that she was serving her child by doing everything for them, when in fact she was enabling a child to be unfaithful and irresponsible.

I would praise your kids when you see them serving one another and correct them when they are tending to be selfish. In my own experience, kids tend to go in “selfish cycles”. They do well for a while, then fall into selfishness again. They are battling the flesh. In our home, our kids seem to excell in serving in specific ways.  Holly makes Hope tea every morning and asks us all if we would like some. Emily tends to run to the aid of anyone who is feeling under the weather, offering heating pads or Tylenol, depending on your ailment. Bek tries to surprise me by organizing my “hot spots” or clutter in the house. Matt serves by running out to get the groceries for me when I come in the driveway. Of course, things are not perfect around here and we certainly have had our times of training due to selfishness.

It is also important to serve together as a family. Again, hospitality is a great way to train your children to serve others.

How do you balance serving and training your kids to serve others?

Linked To The Better Mom

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Revolutionary Parenting: Some Basics

I wish kids came with an owners manual, but they don’t. They don’t even come with a care label: feed every 4 hours and bathe daily.

That’s why a book like George Barna’s Revolutionary Parenting is a great resource. If you missed yesterday’s post, you can catch up here .

Have you ever wondered what makes some parents more effective than others? What works and what doesn’t? Well this book is full of research and statistics based on kids who turned out to be ”spiritual giants.”

It is interesting to note that the parents who raised these  kids went against the grain. They swam upstream in the current of societal norms. Here are a few examples:

“From our research, we can posit that raising a spiritual champion is best accomplished by having at least one parent in the home who is fully committed to honoring God through his or her parenting practices.” pg.30

He explains that their choices are based on knowledge of scripture. They talked about the Bible with their kids. (He says fewer than 1 in every 10 born-again families read the Bible together during a typical week or pray together. Yikes!) They talked about good character and monitered their kids progress.

“One of the moving aspects of our research was discovering the depth of love that Revolutionary Parents had for their children and how that translated into an intense sense of mission to prepare them for life. These parents held the notion that ministry is relational in nature and their ability to affect the lives of their children would be minimized unless their love for their children was manifested in an authenitic relationship.”

He explained that this meant  setting limits, maintaining standards of behavior and enforcing discipline on one hand and being a real friend to your child on the other hand. The parent is the parent, and has boundries, but the child knows that the parent is “for him” not against him.

We cannot buy into the mindset portrayed on TV that we cohabitate with our kids–sometimes being together at an occassional meal or watching a movie together. But we have to be involved with our kids, guiding, setting limits and cheering them on.

Kids need the stability of knowing that Mom and Dad are united. That the rules are the rules, and they don’t change on a whim. That parents have good reasons for what they say. (This implies that you think before you speak. Your word should be your word! ) That you can’t bargain your way around every rule! There is nothing worse than a parent who just cannot say no to their child–well, perhaps the child who won’t take ”no” for an answer.  You know the scenario.

Child: “Mom, can I have a brownie?”

Mom: “No, not before dinner.”

Child: “How about a few chips?”

Mom:  ”No, no snacks before dinner.”

Child: “Well, can I just have a few crackers?”

Mom:  ”Oh, alright. Just a few, Sweetie.”

A child needs to learn to accept a ”No” without manipulating to get what they want. (And it is the parent’s fault who says things that they don’t mean in the first place. If you said “No snacks,” then stay true to your word, otherwise don’t say it.  You are training your child to wager by your inconsistency.)

And bigger yet, that the child IS subject to the rules and not above them. (Every public school teacher in America can relate to parents who think that their child is the exception to the rule! That their cherub need special treatment. UGH! )Parents are doing their kids a HUGE disservice if they constantly manipulate the system for their kids,  and allow them to think of themselves as above the rules. Not only is that not real life, but it is obnoxious!

Parents today are afraid to be parents, and say no. I think they are afraid that their kids will not like them, and they desperately need their kids approval for some odd reason. Barna covers that in his section entitled “Make Friends Elsewhere.”

More on that on Monday!

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Revolutionary Parenting: What the Research Shows Really Works

One of the topics that I am passionate about is parenting. I love being a mom, and I have spent years reading, reading, reading about being the best wife and mother I could be. People seem to ask me their child raising questions, and have told me that I should write someday about child raising and family life. I can totally relate to young mothers who felt clueless, because I was there.  Peter and I were the first in our family to have children on both sides of our family, so we were going through all of these stages alone with little to no guidance.  I prayed for wisdom. A lot. And today, when people ask me about parenting, I tell them honestly that God seemed to give us the answers we needed when we prayed.

Parenting today is really a counterculture activity. It’s a lifetime, long distance run, not a 15 minute a day workout. You need to be all there for your kids, even though it is exhausting! The “quality time” rhetoric is such junk. Ask a child if they want quality time or  quantity time.  They want both.  George Barna, a world-renouned researcher conducted a series of surveys to uncover a number of common denominators to successful parenting.  He then wrote “Revolutionary Parenting,” a book that my friend, Niki gave to me and that totally excited me. (I love George Barna’s research anyway, don’t you? So interesting!)

I found this quote to be quite eye opening:

“American Culture does not support the notion of parenting being a full time job. In fact, many in our society look down upon those individual, most often women, who devote the largest share of their “business hours” energy to being stay at home parent…

The dominating parenting philosophy of America is clear and widely accepted: Parents must do the best they can raising their kids on the fly and providing them with “quality time” and costly goodies meant to convey parental affection. At the same time, they must invest themselves wholeheartedly in “providing for the family” through career ascension thus gaining the approval of fellow citizens who understand the challenge of the daily juggling act. In this context, American Society enables and encourages parents to make child rearing a communal affair, relying upon institutions such as school, community organizations, churches, the mass media and government agencies to pick up the slack and cover for parents while they are trying to change the world in their nine-to-five roles.” pg.28-29

As a Christian, your parenting goals will be different from the culture around you. But all parenting in general should assume:

You have an end product in mind.  ”Begin with the end in mind.” Decide your goals, and then figure out how to accomplish your goals. You are the guide. You need to lead. If you don’t, they will follow someone else.

If you are trying to raise a child that loves God with all their heart, soul and mind, yet you neglect daily Biblical instruction, go half heartedly to church, complain about what God has provided or your circumstances, you may be surprised to find that what you thought were your goals were not what you lived out.

You are an example to your child.  Primarily You. Not a teacher, Sunday School teacher, Cub Scouts leader.

You are there to encourage and guide your child’s heart and mind. Real time, not delayed. There is no DVR parenting–the “I can do it or say it later” mentality.  No. Be there when they are excited and want to share, or you miss the opportunity. Guiding your child doesn’t mean endless chattering about what they should and should not do. “Do this…oh…don’t do that!” Guiding means talking WITH them not at them. Big difference. Think of how you would feel if you were  talked “at” {lectured?} all day. Then think of the difference if someone spent time talking with you– a give and take of ideas. You feel valued and connected.

You figure out the best way affect your child. Each child has different needs, and just because you do something a certain way, does not mean that it is best for your child. Adjust to reach that child!

More on Spiritual Parenting tomorrow!

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Grace for Holly Grace

This Sunday, my musically inclined little Holly played a piano solo for the first time in church. She is really a violinist, but she also enjoys playing around on the piano. (Music has always been her passion–since she was 2. I am not kidding.)

And Holly practices on our free Craigslist piano, while our  church has a beautiful grand piano. And when you play on a grand piano after using a Craigslist one, it can feel quite different.

Holly was nervous. She got up and played. And then she shared her heart with me. 

She told me that she was nervous, so she reminded herself that she was not playing for the approval of others, but for God’s glory. “But then, ” she whispered ” as I sat there thinking about playing this for God’s glory,  I got really scared. I mean, the God who made the universe and I am playing for Him?”

This was a highlight for me this week. It was an evidence of God’s grace working in my little girls heart and mind. When you come to grips with who God is, you don’t go away unchanged.

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Giving Your Kids An Accurate View of God

Teaching our kids about God is one probably the biggest responsibility that Christian parents face. And sometimes it is an overwhelming task because there is so much to know about God, that we (parents) are still learning. Most of us don’t have a PhD in Theology. Some of us have never memorized all of the catechisms. And we struggle to memorize even simple scripture passages.

Can we teach our kids about God? Absolutley. And God has told us that this is not an optional area. see verse

So what do we need in order to teach our kids about God?

1. We need to have an accurate view of God ourselves.

Not “know” as though you know facts. Just because you have read the dictionary in parts does not mean you know Noah Webster. And just reading the Bible does not mean you know God. Knowing God is relational–and the Bible is the only place God reveals himself to us. What we believe about God determines how you live, treat others and will impact the image of God that  you pass along to your children. We cannot portray God to our kids as someone who is just waiting to “zap you dead” you when you do wrong, some grandfatherly old soul who doesn’t care about how we live, or some distant, unknowable ghostlike being. These are all innaccurate views of God.

2. “God awareness”  in your everyday talk.

You shouldn’t just talk about God on Sunday when you get into the car to go to church. Our “everyday” conversation should be saturated with a knowledge and awareness of God.  Things  like “Oh, let’s ask God to provide that need for us,” and “Is God happpy with our behaviour right now?” or “How would Jesus have treated them?” should be part of the norm  in a Christian family. God is here in your home and has an opinion about how you live, regard his Word and what kind of “ambassador” you are for Him and his kingdom. Don’t misrepresent Christ to your kids or to others by speech that maligns Him, or misrepresents him.

3. We need to be in the Word

When you are in the Word are coming to it in order to change and grow, you are less susceptable to falling for false doctrine or false teachers. You are putting your family on sure footing by checking everything in life with scripture. Teach your children to read the Bible to see what it tells them about God.

One easy way to teach your kids to see what God is like, is to give them a highlighter and to have them highlight all of the attributes of God (whenever it says “God is ___________) or any of the acts of God (God pitieth his children.) Not only does this make it easy for you child to start studying the Bible at an early age, but when he flips through scripture, the TRUTH about God jumps off the page to him. And as he is growing, it will be easy to see how his life should look as he grows in Christlikeness. (God is merciful, so I should be merciful. God is kind, so I must be kind.)

My daughter Hope, age 8, always wants to “study” near me. (She tries to be quiet, I am sure– but her idea of studying quietly is a *wee bit* different than my idea! There are lots of questions, movement, wiggling, humming, etc.) Here is her little Bible and what this method looks like:

(Plus, most kids love to highlight and underline in their Bibles…so this method gets them looking for things to

highlight! )

How do you teach your kids about God?  Feel free to tell us in the comments.

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Generation ME

My husband and I were challenged at a youth workers conference to read a book entitled Generation Me: Why  Today’s Young Americans Are More Confident, Assertive, Entitled- and More Miserable Than Ever Before. Weird thing was, that I actually had checked that very book out of the library and brought on the plane to read on the way to the conference. Spooky!

Generation Me is a look at the current state of teens (actually up to age 30 because apparently they never grow up now a days.)

Author Jean Twenge did research by comparing standardized personality questionnaires given to college students which have been  used by personality psychologists since the 1950′s.  The questions remained the same all these years, but she found that the answers to the questions shifted dramatically . She decided to compare the answers given in the 50′s to the answers given by todays college kids. And she went on to document this shift in this incredible book.

The teens raised by those whose parents went through the Depression Era had a totally different mindset than the kids of today. They did things for the benefit of the entire family. Kids today have been taught to do things to please themselves. Fifty years ago, it was not uncommon for men to worked dead end jobs to keep food on their families tables. The mindset around work today is to be personally fulfilled–and if we are not, we move on.  Back then, families stayed together more often because it was better for the kids. Today, if parents aren’t happy, they do what is best for themselves.

I won’t give too much of the book away, because if you are a parent, you really should read this–although this is not a book to leave lying around on the coffee table or to let your children loose on. It contains several graphic examples of just how far our teens have come. :/

What was disturbing to me was the fact that I could see myself in so many of the attitudes of the current generation. And I didn’t even realize it. And when you read this book, you discover how incredibly selfish we have raised our kids to be. Years ago, instilling self esteem was  a big concern among mothers. Today’s children, however, have always been told how amazing they really are. And they believe it. And that is where is gets scary.

Colossians 2:8

See to it that no one takes you captive by philosophy and empty deceit, according to human tradition, according to the elemental spirits of the world, and not according to Christ.

Even when we are drenching our minds with scripture, we still pick up the vain philosophies of this world.

We are bombarded with these messages every day. When my girls were little, they used to participate in a little violin performance to raise money for a scholarship fund at the music school they attended. On the brochure, it said “Twinkle, Twinkle, You’re a Star.” I informed my girls that they were not stars, but servants of others,  and that to have that kind of mindset is selfish. Oh yes. I am THAT kind of mother.

Consider these messages and then weigh them with scripture.

Be your own boss! –Submit one to anther.

You Can Be Anything You Want to Be–I know the plans I have for  you.

The greatest love of all is to love yourself.–Love your God first and then your neighbor.

Indulge!–Deny yourself, take up your cross and follow Me.

Be Strong!–When I am weak, then I am strong.

Stand Up for Your Rights!– Turn the other cheek. If sued for your shirt, give to them your coat also.

I Don’t Get Mad, I Get Even!– Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you…turn the other cheek.

Do What’s Right for You!– Let us consider one another.

Do What Makes You Happy–If you love me, you’ll keep my commandments. I do the will of my Father.

My husband also agreed, that he could see some of these tendencies in himself, and we both had parents who had taught us otherwise. It seeped in, despite the best of teaching. So, I would encourage you today to evaluate the messages we accept, even unknowingly, and weigh them with scripture.

As believers, we need to be loving God and serving others, and I think that if we thought about ourselves a whole lot less than all of those slogans above encouraged us to do, we would have less time to think of  ME, ME, ME and  more time to serve others well.

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Where Are The Titus 2 Women?

Last night I spoke to a sweet group of home schooling moms about the topic of Keeping Your Devotional Life Devotional. I was so encouraged by their desire to teach their children God’s word. We sat and chatted afterwards and as we spoke, the “topic” came up. Titus 2 mentoring. These young women are raising families and they are looking for flesh and blood women who have “been there, done that” to walk beside them and give them guidance. Unfortunately, they are coming up short.

Titus 2 mentoring is not optional. Ladies, this is part of our calling.

photo credit

It does not need to take place in a classroom. It can take place in your home, in the car, as you grab a coffee or run an errand. You just need to be available, and willing to answer questions and offer suggestions when asked. This is not rocket science. And there is a reason that this needs to be done: so that God’s word will not be maligned. Maligning someone is saying something evil about them–not necessarily a lie, just something wicked.

What do you need to be a mentor?

1. The desire to be obedient.

Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good.

 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,  to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands,

so that no one will malign the word of God.

2. A good testimony- reverent in the way they live- this means you take seriously the commands of scripture and you live in a way that is Christ-like. You aren’t perfect, but you are sold out to Christ, dedicated and striving to do right. You are literally his servant, doing His will and not your own. (and by the way, when you blow it, you make restoration, for the sake of your own testimony and for the sake of Christ.)

3. Time- it takes time. Just do it.

4. Grace, humility, meekness- You don’t have all the answers and maybe you have done things wrong. Be honest and transparent with your sisters in Christ. Apart from grace, you would be nothing. And without humility, you are nothing, and God resists you. You received with meekness the engrafted word which was able to save your souls, and now you teach with meekness and instruct from the posture of humility.

Older ladies, don’t be afraid.

If God puts a younger mother in your path, help her!

Where Are The Titus 2 Women? Part 2 here

Linked to Courtney

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An Object Lesson about Love

When my oldest was little, she had a teddy bear. Its name was Bear.

She lugged Bear around everywhere. She dressed him, put sunglasses on him, pushed him around in her little grocery carriage while she pretended to go shopping, and slept with him every night.

Over time, with wear and use, Bear became threadbare. He looked dingy and dirty and no longer adorable.

But she still loved him.

When Rebekah would ask me to “Please hold Bear, ” I would, and would do it with great care, cradling him in my arms–not because I valued Bear, or thought he was worth anything. But because the one placing Bear into my care loved him and thought the world of him.

When Rebekah got older, I told her that loving others was like when I use to hold Bear.

We should always view another person the way God views them. And we treat them the way God says we should treat them– not how we think they deserve to be treated.  They belong to God and he valued them so much that he sent his son to die for them and  loves them. So we had better view them the same way God does.

Whether I thought the person was of value, or good enough,friendly enough,smart enough, nice enough was not the issue.

What I thought of the person was irrelevant.

I have been told to love them as Christ loved.  God is no respecter of persons.

Bear is packed away now in a box of memories, but I hope that the lessons that he taught will stay alive in my children’s hearts forever.

 

Linked to Courtney

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A One Size Fits All Parenting Tip

Yesterday we talked about the one size fits all parenting strategy that  God prescribes for us in Psalm 78.  here  We are to teach our kids about God’s mighty acts, so that they will remember to hope in God and to obey Him.

I don’t know about you, but I easily forget things.

I am a huge list maker. If it doesn’t get written down, it doesn’t get done.

So, to me, this whole concept of remembering to teach in everyday life is something that I need to work to achieve.

I write myself reminders. I post scripture. I use other mind prompts, because I know that I am so prone to forget.

And I don’t want to forget, because when we forget to teach our children, they loose their grounding and their hope.

Just like when Israel failed to live and teach what God prescribed. They lost their grounding, and headed into sin.

They complained, craved things God didn’t want them to have, wallowed in self pity, distrusted and falsely accused God.

They focused on their :

• past- “Remember what we used to eat in Egypt,” instead of focusing on the blessing and provision of daily mana from God.
• problems- “We have no water!” instead of remembering the God who provided water in a dessert and from a rock.
• desires- “We want meat,” and then questioned God’s power by asking “Can God spread a table in the wilderness?” instead of praising Him all that He had provided and trusting in His presence.
• idols- Even though they had seen God part the Red Sea, provide food that rained from heaven and water from a rock, they still worshipped idols of stone, wood and gold–not to mention their own lusts.

God gives us an inside look into their hearts while they were acting this way: (Ps. 78:32,36)

In spite of of all this, they still sinned: despite his wonders, they did not believe.

But they flattered him with their mouths; they lied to him with their tongues: Their heart was not steadfast toward him, and they were not faithful to his covenant.

They sinned. Did not believe. Flattered. Lied. Wavered. Unfaithful. Not a pretty picture of God’s people, is it?

Today, we may not crave meat and water, and we may not serve idols of gold and wood, but I believe that many times we are still like the Israelites.

We  dwell on our  problems, we cling to what we crave , spend inordinate amounts of time worshipping our “idols”– money, success, power, respect, friends, etc… instead of setting our hope in God and his goodness.

And when we cling to anything but God, usually God disciplines us, sometimes by allowing us to have what we actually desire (which can be scary) or by taking away all of the things we are grasping for.

I love Romans 8:32 .” He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things?”

Our heart skips a little beat when we read this, knowing that God delights to give us good things. Good, we think, expecting the “good things” to be the things we desire and crave, as though God is some genie or magician ready to do our bidding.

But, what happens when the “things” that God gives us includes  trials and withholding things that we desperately want?

I love this quote from Lydia Brownback’s book Contentment. “Can we not be content if part of the “all things” includes some withholding? For the daughter of God, any withholding is itself a provision, and we can experience it with joy when we know that the withholder loves us.”

and ” Sometimes we get the wrong idea about how God satisfies us. He doesn’t come to us on our terms, taking the role of a surrogate for the things or the relationship we lack. HE comes in place of those things, giving us something even better.”

God always gives us what is good for us. And instead of worrying or despairing, fuming or complaining, let’s thank Him and lead our children to thank Him as well.

So, today, REMEMBER to teach your children about the wonders of God. This should be part of our everyday talk.  Tell them how He has helped you personally. Tell them of your answered prayer and His faithfulness. Don’t let your home be a place of “poor me” stories and  an “if only” legacy. Leave your children a vibrant heritage of a hope in their personal, loving God.

 

Linked to Courtney

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