A Wise Woman Is Approachable

We are talking about ways to effectively mentor the next generation of younger women. Many of you said that one reason you would not seek counsel from an older woman was if she was unfriendly or unapproachable. You mentioned that you tend to  shy away from women who are moody because you “never know what you are getting into.” I totally agree.

This is why we need to be approachable and consistently so.

Approachability is a social grace that includes gentle, wise speech, a calm, peaceful, caring demeanor and the ability to make another feel at ease.

The opposite would be a harshness with dealing with others, critical or unwise use of the tongue, and a too -busy “whirlwind” personality that left others feeling exhausted and frazzled by your disorganized, frantic presence.

Three ways to seem Unapproachable.

1. Appear to be always busy.

We are all busy. We have more modern conveniences than women in any other time period and yet we are still busy.

Taking time to mentor is a sacrifice of love and time. And if you are a mom of little ones, you know that despite your best attempts at organizing your day and being efficient in your routines, the bottom line is that sometimes your kids just need you right now! So you drop your well laid out plans and just tend to the needs of that one.

Jesus teaches his followers to be careful not to allow crowds, packed schedules and busyness to get in the way of people who truly need help. They are what’s important. You’ll always have something that needs immediate urgent attention. That’s life! But ask God to give you discernment so that you don’t ignore sincere cries for help. Ask Him, “How would You want me to treat this person.” – Elizabeth George

Hebrews 4:16 tells us that  we should come boldly before to the throne of grace , that we might obtain mercy and find grace to help in our time of need. Our Lord is approachable. Even in Christ’s busy moments, he had time for the “one.” Remember when He was preaching to the crowd in a packed house, and just one more person wanted his help. So his friends tore into the roof and lowered the poor guy down for healing? Jesus, stopped and healed this man.

2. Be Moody

If you have ever had a moody person in your life, you know that the safest recourse is the old “quick wave and “hello,” and keep on walking”, because you really don’t have the time to deal with that kind of drama, nor do you want to hear an earful about their latest bee’s nest with someone else. You really don’t have time to decipher whether they are in a good mood or bad today, and after long dealings with a moody person, unfortunately you no longer care to know which mode they are in. You have bigger things to do.

When my kids were little, I would tell them that there are two kinds of people in the world: A “Here I Am” person or a “There You Are” person. The first is self centered; the second is others focused. A moody person cannot “see past the end of their own nose,” as my father use to say.

If people never know how you’ll be from day to day, they will not bother to get close to you. It is safer to be casual acquaintances.

On the other hand, a woman with a peaceful spirit, a contented and happy demeanor, and a predictably kind reputation makes a woman approachable.

 3. Keep an arms length distance from people of different races, economic classes or physical abilities.

Do people of all races, classes and economic backgrounds know that you will be kind and loving to them if they approach you?

Look around at your list of friends and see how diverse it is. Do you make those with physical handicaps feel welcome? Do you treat the rich differently than you treat the poor?

I have to tell you that I have never experienced discrimination in my whole life. It is hard to imagine that it does exists if you have never felt it’s pain. I have witnessed it, though, because of some of my friends.  My son’s best friend is black. When I take them out and about, people DO look at and treat his friend differently. Some of my best friends are black. We have handicapped friends and family. And we are intimately acquainted with the poor. I hope we judge people based on their character and not on their physical appearance.

We see many examples in scripture of Christ loving, talking to and touching the social outcasts of his day. He even touched a leper to heal him, an act that shows his compassion. He could have spoken the leprosy away. But perhaps that leper had been treated like a trash because of his disease and Jesus knew that his touch would not only heal his body but a part of his soul.

Words like “Come unto me, all you who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest,” show the approachability and willingness to help anyone attitude of Christ.

What other qualities make women seem approachable to you?